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| When
a young couple had spent a certain period of time “dating”,
it was necessary to make the relationship official by having
their families meet (the so-called parley-parlata). |
| The
“dating” is to be understood as a visit by the
suitor at the inamorata’s home, at set times in the
evening and always in the presence of another family member. |
| Besides
being forbidden to frequent the boy’s home, the girl
could not walk by his home without damaging her reputation
and being considered an “easy woman.” |
| According
to tradition, all the meetings preceding the wedding had to
be in her home. Dinner and supper were her family’s
obligation. |
| The
evening of the parley, the suitor would go to the girl’s
home accompanied by his family and one or two other reliable
persons. |
| Here,
after the initial civilities, the boy’s father would
ask what kind of dowry the girl had (land, articles of clothing,
jewelry, etc.). |
| Every
offer the girl’s father made routinely met with an objection
by the boy’s father who complained that it wasn’t
quite satisfactory. |
| At
this point the girl’s father would ask what the boy’s
father was going to give his son. Often the response was:
I’m giving a man, a home and a pig. In other words,
the two families engaged in a form of “horse trade,”
in which the boy’s side “upped the ante”,
while the girl’s tended to yield stingily. |
| Because
of their poverty, both parties almost always reached an agreement
in a short time and without too much difficulty. |
| The
same did not happen in the case of families that were better-off.
Their negotiations were more challenging and prolonged. |
| Quite
often an engagement would fall apart for trivial reasons,
or, what is worse, would end before a lawyer because of broken
promises. |
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| According
to tradition, the couple was not allowed to participate in the parley
discussions but could merely “look on from the sidelines.”
If an agreement was reached, it was followed by a sumptuous dinner
given by the bride’s family, during which, after several glasses
of wine, the memory of the heated discussion soon faded away. |
| During
the dinner, a date was set for the formal offer of marriage and
the approximate date for the wedding itself. Meantime, the ties
between the two families grew gradually closer. |
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