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Courtship
and Engagements |
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| The
girl’s family, however, would eventually be forced
to accept the terms, since their daughter had been “dishonored,”
and, in most cases, had become pregnant. |
| Since
the two families were at odds regarding the marriage, the
wedding took place with no festivities. |
| It
was a different matter when betrothals met with approval.
Since the girl’s parents had given their consent,
a formal engagement took place. |
| The
young couple met at one of their homes where they sat at
a distance from each other, off to a side, and spoke in
whispers, but always under the vigilant eye of the mother
or grandmother. |
| Besides
keeping a certain distance from each other, their hands
had to be kept well within sight (only if the family was
momentarily distracted could they manage a furtive caress).
The couple was not allowed to go out in public. |
| Precise
rules governed their manner of dress and demeanor. The girl’s
skirt hem had to reach the heels and the bodice couldn’t
be even minimally revealing. The girl was not supposed to
look directly into boy’s eyes when talking, and, whenever
she went out on errands, she had to avoid passing by his
house, otherwise she would be considered “damaged
goods”. |
| After
spending a few hours together, the couple set a date for
their next meeting. Then bidding the girl and her parents
farewell, the fiancé would leave. |
| Often
he would go meet some friends and together they would organize
a party in someone’s home, which involved eating and
drinking until late into the night. |
Then,
somewhat tipsy, they wandered about town, making sure to
avoid the night patrols, and eventually made their way back
to the girl’s house in order to serenade
her
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| Sometimes,
if they had no concertina of their own, they listened in the stillness
of the night for the sound of a far-away serenade; then they would
head out in the direction of the sound with the intention of getting
hold of the concertina and possibly the player too. The singer and
his musicians rarely turned down the invitation, but if they did,
and the newcomers outnumbered them, they risked getting a beating. |
| Once
again at the girl’s home (by the door or window), they would
sing some traditional love songs. The serenade began with songs
of salutation, for example: “I have come to sing for you,
I’ll make you happy, but I must first try to remember the
songs I wish to dedicate to you”. |
| Then
the serenade continued with songs in praise of the girl’s
beauty. Some times the girl might even want to show her appreciation,
and thus would furtively turn on the light for a few moments. |
| There
would also be songs for her mother like: “mother dear, keep
an eye on this girl, if you protect her honor, she will become my
wife”. |
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